1 00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,840 Thank you. Lovely taste. 2 00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:02,060 Black, brown, orange, pink. 3 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,440 I beg your pardon. 4 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:38,720 I'd like to say this. 5 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,600 This. 6 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,180 I always wanted to say that. I always wanted to say that. 7 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,940 How many times have you come on the stage and said this and get a laugh? 8 00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,260 This. It's a funny word, that, isn't it? 9 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,320 That. 10 00:09:58,790 --> 00:09:59,910 I bought myself an airplane hanger. 11 00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:02,510 What do you think? 12 00:10:08,670 --> 00:10:09,670 It's a quick joke. 13 00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:12,090 I must do this. 14 00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:14,690 I want to hear it myself. Now, listen. 15 00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:18,910 Oh, I've got something in my eye. A bit of black spit there. 16 00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:20,750 A bit of black spit. 17 00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:29,560 I hate flies, don't you? 18 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:31,100 I hate flies. 19 00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:33,580 As a matter of fact, I've got here a fly paper. 20 00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:34,920 It's called the Daily Fly. 21 00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:42,380 And this kills flies stone dead. 22 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,800 I put it on the table like that, you see, just there. 23 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:55,580 And a fly comes along and naturally starts to read it. 24 00:11:02,570 --> 00:11:04,970 And while he's breathing, I creep up behind him. 25 00:11:17,890 --> 00:11:19,730 There's a ball and cup. 26 00:11:24,930 --> 00:11:27,290 And what you have to do is to guess where the ball is. 27 00:11:27,630 --> 00:11:28,630 I do that. 28 00:11:29,450 --> 00:11:31,830 Is it in my pocket or is it under the cup? 29 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:35,480 Oh, yes, that's right. 30 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,480 Under the cup, you're quite right. 31 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,080 I'll do it again. 32 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,240 Is it under the cup or in my pocket? 33 00:11:57,140 --> 00:11:58,740 In the pocket, you're quite right about it. 34 00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:07,190 Now, where is it now? 35 00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:09,249 On top. 36 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,310 Look at that. 37 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:14,630 Thank you. 38 00:12:15,930 --> 00:12:22,790 I put 39 00:12:22,790 --> 00:12:23,790 it in my pocket like this. 40 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,390 Take it through. Hold that, sir. 41 00:12:29,690 --> 00:12:30,850 Throw it towards the cap. 42 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,980 a married couple on a holiday in Paris, and he went to the Alpha Tower. 43 00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:06,920 Now, you know, you can get to the top either by a lift or by walking the Spire 44 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:07,920 Staircase. 45 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:13,600 Now, the husband wants to get the lift up, but the wife wants to walk up. Get 46 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,600 the idea? 47 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:17,220 There's pay boxes there, so it goes like that. 48 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,860 Now, tonight, Tom, we're going to ask you some questions on behalf of our 49 00:14:28,860 --> 00:14:31,480 viewers and find out, as it were, your innermost thoughts. 50 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,720 So I'll ask you the first question now, which says, does Tommy Cooper believe in 51 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:36,740 metempsychosis? 52 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:44,520 See, that's funny you ask me that, because a man asked me that two or three 53 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:45,520 ago. Yes. 54 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,140 Pardon? But what I'm trying to get at is this. 55 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,660 Do you think that on Earth, everyone has a double? 56 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,120 I had a double just before the show. 57 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,960 I don't mean that. I mean, do you mean that we all have somebody who looks 58 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:02,960 exactly like us? 59 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,080 No one will look like you, I tell you. 60 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,920 That's nice, isn't it? That really is nice. I know what you think. 61 00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:21,020 You think that we were all born before. You think that we were all born before 62 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,020 as someone else. 63 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:23,299 That I believe. 64 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:26,180 Right, all right. Well, who were you before you were Tommy Cooper? Well, I 65 00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:27,180 feeling I was a Viking. 66 00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:30,550 Slave on a galley ship. Really? Well, what makes you think that? Because my 67 00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:31,550 aches. 68 00:15:36,030 --> 00:15:38,790 And another thing, never mention the word whip, because you'll get me rowing 69 00:15:38,790 --> 00:15:39,790 straight away. Whip? 70 00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,490 You should have done it. You see, you've got me going now. 71 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,270 Look, how do I stop you? You can't. 72 00:15:45,630 --> 00:15:48,490 You can never stop the galley slaves now. Once they start, they keep rowing 73 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:51,250 rowing and rowing. And so they drop. Look at them. They're all dropping. 74 00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,250 all dying like flies. 75 00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:55,070 Well, are you all right? Yeah, I'm all right. I'm the lucky one. 76 00:15:55,390 --> 00:15:55,869 Why's that? 77 00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:56,870 Well, they forgot to give me a haul. 78 00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:09,569 It certainly was. 79 00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:12,910 It's quite obvious from that story that you were there in those days. Oh, yes. 80 00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,910 But I'd like to see a little evidence if you have some. 81 00:16:15,490 --> 00:16:17,290 All right. As a matter of fact, I have it right here, Lord. 82 00:16:17,630 --> 00:16:21,710 Oh, that's... That's a Viking horse. A genuine Viking horse. Yes. Oh, yes. 83 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:22,770 Listen. 84 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,250 Doesn't sound much, does it? No. 85 00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:31,690 But five minutes from now, this place will be full of Vikings. 86 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,400 I just received a letter from Bill Bailey, and he's not coming home. 87 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,380 I always say, do as you others, but do it fast. 88 00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:50,500 Now, there's the very famous Venetian cat. 89 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,980 I was very, very closely. 90 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:58,720 Do you know what? My wife smokes in bed. 91 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,500 She does. A friend of mine said, well, a lot of wives smoke in bed. 92 00:17:02,820 --> 00:17:03,820 I said, well, face down. 93 00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:18,579 I was a surprise to my parents. 94 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,000 I was. They put me on their doorstep. They expected I might have milk. 95 00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:35,400 My wife said to me, do you mind if I wear my hair in a bun? 96 00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:37,920 I said, I don't care if you wear it or not for bread. 97 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,560 What's this? 98 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,640 She's always on her diet, my wife. Always on her diet. 99 00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:53,720 She's on her diet now. Eats nothing but coconuts and bananas all day long. 100 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:54,900 Coconuts and bananas. 101 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,600 She hasn't lost any weight. Well, you want to see her climb trees? 102 00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:05,080 They're getting better. They're getting better. 103 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,320 You managed a candle. 104 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,280 Hasn't been a wonderful summer. 105 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,040 Do you know, it's amazing what people do. 106 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,720 Somebody rang my wife and said, do you know, I saw your husband on the beach 107 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:44,720 with a blonde on his arm. 108 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,280 And my wife said, what do you expect at his age on his arm? The back of the 109 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,280 spade? 110 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,980 The very famous Charlie's Lincoln rings. 111 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:01,300 Un, 112 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,120 deux, trois. 113 00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:25,930 You'll know his name in a minute. I'll tell him. 114 00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:32,670 I was on the tip of my tongue, isn't I? 115 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:35,270 Big man, he was just like me. 116 00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:36,810 Didn't have hair on his chest. 117 00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:38,110 Twigs. 118 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,660 Get those elephants off the street. 119 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,280 Nelson. 120 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:19,120 That's right, isn't it? 121 00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:17,500 Thank you. 122 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:20,920 Bit of a shopper, thanks. 123 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:25,880 Camo hair. 124 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,100 It is genuine camo hair.